Last week, I heard the news story about some guy who jumped into the ocean and punched a shark in the face to save his dog from being eaten alive.
True confession: Iapos;m terrified of sharks. Iapos;ve never seen one, well, not outside of an aquarium at least, but anytime I hear about shark attacks, it just freaks me out. You canapos;t beat a shark, you just canapos;t. You canapos;t outswim them - what, are you stupid? Sharks are killing machines. They have rows and rows of teeth that never stop growing. Did you hear me? NEVER STOP GROWING
And did you ever see when they jump up out of the water and their eyes roll back and their lips pull back? Killing machines. Big time.
So no way am I punching a shark to save a dog. I totally love dogs and have grown up with them, but seriously. No way. What the hell was the dog doing in the ocean in the first place, thatapos;s what Iapos;d like to know.
But here are some things I would punch to save a dog:
- Medium-sized carp
- Chicken (but not a turkey)
- Old lady with a walker
- Paperboy under the age of 12
- Chihuahua
- Garter snake
- Celine Dion
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